The Awakening #100convos #16

Not strictly a conversation, but a well timed reading sent to me by a woman who is daily becoming one of my trusted friends. You know the type? They seem to hold people at a distance, but if they choose to let you in, it is a great honor.

"The Awakening" - author unknown

"A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.
 
And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
 
This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella (nor are you Superman and she is Lois Lane) and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
 
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are ...  and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you.
 
And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave; how you should look and how much you should weigh; what you should wear and where you should shop; and what you should drive how and where you should live; and what you should do for a living; who you should sleep with, who you should marry, and what you should expect of a marriage; the importance of having and raising children; or what you owe your parents.
 
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and
learning to say NO.
 
You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.
 
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love.... and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms... just to make you happy.
 
And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely... And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image
inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."
 
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch ... and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And you learn that your body really is your temple.
And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise.
 
You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.  You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve... and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
 
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.  You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people.
 
On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most
primal state-the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls.
 
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire.
 
And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can."

Mummy Dearest #100convos #15

I've admittedly been in a creative slump and neglected this project, a few darling family members, as you might have noticed, have helped me get into the swing of things again.

 

I wanted to tear up when my mom seemed surprised that I wanted to include her in this blog. I've been feeling very vulnerable lately and wanting to just be small again. I asked my mom for some stories and photos, and she really obliged. Thank you so much for this Mommy, it touched my heart so much.

 

 "When you were little, I had fun showing you things – you were so interested. I remember letting you watch a snail sliding on an open window so that you could it move from the underside. You also grew the best green beans ever.

 

Then there was the day I let you play around the jungle gym because I thought you were too small to climb it properly – until you discovered there was a ladder in the middle tower – I have never climbed a jungle gym so quickly – ever. A young mother has to be fit.

I passed the park recently – that jungle gym has been replaced with a smaller version.

 

We used to take long walks with me pushing you in the pram. I remember lovely sunny days (just like my Sunny girl). The houses had low walls in those days and there were always people about. I met many strangers and had interesting conversations over garden gates and walls – starting of course with “can we see the Baby?”

 

I also enjoyed seeing peoples’ gardens over the walls and fish ponds and pretty plants. I learned that St Michael’s road used to be chalk, and there was a vlei on Keurboom road were one Granny had been courted, many, many years ago. Imagine standing on a street corner discussing the habits of hamsters. It is so sad that all these houses are now surrounded by high walls and electric fences. The
neighbours that one met in the road with their shopping who told about my neighbourhood when they were young are all gone now."

 

Look at the gorgeous photos my mom pulled out, even one with Mrs Fowler - a neighbour who's reputation has far outlived her.

 

A Chef In The Family #100convos #14

This is a bit of a cheat because Charne did the work for me... but we plotted and had to share some of her fiancé's cooking masterpieces. When I asked Kurt about his crazy breakfasts he sweety replied "I just want to eat properly"

Charne had this to say on Kurt:

"If Kurt wasn't such a brilliant IT guy, I am pretty sure he would have been a chef.
Nothing brings him greater joy than building sub boxes, fine tuning his music and making weird and wonderful dishes.

He once grilled springbok chops, soaked it in melted chocolate, different spices and make a sort-of sticky chop.
Although it wasn't the MOST amazing. It is quite creative.

He has made pasta with peanut butter... and it tasted amazing :)

He is not a man of any words, but he loves to cook, when he isn't building sub boxes that is.

Here are just a few of the dishes I have been able to capture."

The Poised Bride #100convos #13

Charne is the closest person I have to a little sister. She is actually my cousin's daughter, so we have a strong family resemblance. I don't see her close to often enough, but like most modern relationships, we're only a text message away if we need each other.

 

Charne is getting married next year and I'm thrilled for her. I'm sure to bawl my eyes out. I actually toddled down the aisle at her parents wedding as a flower girl at age 6, hair extravagantly did, parasol in paw, confetti boy partner with a gappy smile. Oh, to wear white tights again...

 

"Once you get engaged. People generally congratulate you; it’s a happy event. I have since decided to rather say “Goodluck”

Someone told Kurt last year that, that he must enjoy the nice Charne for now, because once the stress hits, I will be a big stress ball and only return to normal once the wedding is over. He was right.

We were very lucky to have won the 'Die Burger' Competition which was a true blessing.

It is wonderful to look at flowers and dream about the next adventure with your partner.
What will it all look like?  Do I use roses, proteas, ooh ooh maybe add in some baby’s breathe for the centrepiece? Colour schemes and too many Pinterest ideas.

It’s lovely and fun and then the bills come rolling in, panic sets in, pimples start appearing, you being booked off work for stress and don't forget the DRAMATIC weight gain because your body is in panic-shutdown mode.

You spend the day dreaming of that lacey wedding dress and the evening stressing about the money everything is costing.

Let me just say for all future brides: 

1. Please WHATEVER YOU DO don't EVER show your family your guest list. It will cause indescribable chaos.

2. Pick a Maid Of Honour that is strong, patient, loving, honest, trustworthy and that genuinely wants the BEST for you because she is going to put up with all your feelings for the planning process... And possibly tell u when you are being stupid:.

3.Your fiancé is trying his best to understand:
Why is everything costing so much?
How come the bridesmaids dress colours are keeping you up at night?
Why does this seem to be all we speak about?
Where is the money to buy a house going to come from?
Why can’t he wear a baby blue suit?...haha

4. Families fight and money becomes the wedge between all of the relationships.

I am told though that once the day arrives it goes so quick that you wonder why you allowed yourself to be a ball of sticky nerves for so long.

I remind myself, or try to:
That God knows best, He knows the way my wedding looks and what we all wear.
He is the beginning and the end. He already has all the answers.

It seems so petty, but the smallest issues of our heart are very important to God.

At the end of the day... The day will come and go and everything will be fine, my marriage is more important than the amount of flowers and décor there is.
If it’s just Kurt and I, that’s fine too because this is about us and not about other people."

Read Charne's own blog post on the topic:
http://switch2talk.blogspot.com/2014/03/i-dont-know-anymore.html

 

Everything Under The Sun #100convos #12

"I was just watching a documentary on The Large Hadron Collider - its nice to know to that in a world where there are wars and people are dying of Ebola, that humanity can work together to explore the deeper meaning of the universe."

Ryan... Best Friend, Doctor, Knight in Perfect Outfit, Board Game Champion. The above is a direct quote of what he said this evening as walking into the kitchen to make me a perfect roast chicken. Yes, brains and cooking skills.

A large chunk of our evening was spent on a discussion on mental illness and it's classifications. Riveting but not for this forum. I can safely report that I am only neurotic, not psychotic. It was only two hours later that Ryan brought up Robin Williams - I think depression has been looming in the back of many minds today. Ryan said that he was surprised at how emotional he felt about Robin Williams death, probably more so because of the way he died. "He really was a unique individual"

He read me a touching story shared by Norm McDonald via Twitter. Given the nature of Twitter, it's not easy to just paste a direct quote, but the gist of the story is Norm meeting Robin backstage at Letterman, what follows is some hilarious improv between the two of them. Look for it here if you like https://twitter.com/normmacdonald

On a totally different note, and perhaps some clever humour is appropriate. Ryan shared a recent fantasty with me of walking along Long Street with a palm full of Veet and slapping hipsters in the beard - therefor forcing them to shave. Apparently there are "too many hipster beards!"

He also shared a startling food fact "tuna is more of a fishy fish, hake is more of a chickeny fish" - this theory was recently formulated over lunch with his mom and partner at a little place called "Joe Fish".

Reading this all now, it seems quite a range of topics, but that's why I love spending time with Ryan, we talk about everything under the sun.

"Dala what you must" #100convos #11

Fred, his gorgeous wife and I all work for the same company. Fred has an infectious, if not mischievious smile, and I just knew that he was the perfect "subject" for my grumpy Monday.
His response? "Mmm Sharona! I hope I am as light hearted as you think..."

When I approached him for an "interview" he actually thought that I wanted him to set up my website, apparently that would have been preferable... but he was VERY accommodating. (Note to self: Get Fred to make you a website)

"I'm a web developer by trade. I have always had an interest in computers / technology and might possibly be the reason I started working in this area. Web development is a constant exercise in problem solving.. puzzles even.. and to me that's playing instead of working."

When I asked him about his favourite TV show, I saw a work-is-fun theme coming through: "To me TV is just background noise. If I had to choose a show then I have to go with Workaholics. My type of humour and given the opportunity would act the fool just like them."

Having know Odile for years, and not being sure if I'd ever asked, I asked Fred how they met: "Met my wife at a very young age.. very.. young age... She was in grade 9 and me Matric! That said we didn't start dating till a few years later. Every year since our first encounter, fate would place us at the same event to play out the inevitable. We dated for 6 years and are heading for year 5 as a married couple.. She is.. my reason."

He certainly has won some 'great husband' points in the office, so its pretty clear how he adores Odile.

Does Fred have any pets in his life?

"Can't remember my first pet much.. Knew I had one by the stories my brothers told me, but don't have a story I remember. Way too young to.. I did recently try and grow a goldfish to the size of his bowl. Didn't happen though.. close... But still some swim space. Unintentionally poisoned him twice with two totally different symptoms.. But he kept going!! A good 3 years with Jimi Hendrix."

"And true to Cape Town my motto of life is: Dala what you must. Living by this rule gets things done..."

"Do you know what's sexy?" #100convos #10

Nina and I always joke that we met when I picked her up at a braai. We literally did meet at a braai and kept in contact. Our mutual friend was only in CT for the weekend, we connected over boy woes, and the rest is history. I chose to interview Nina today, at a lunch to celebrate the dedication of said mutual friend’s daughter. It seemed so appropriate.

Nina is always around to listen to news, good or bad. She dispenses nuggets of wisdom and quotes into my life a few times a week. I’d like to think that I’ve returned the favour a few times over the last few years. Nina has a way of connecting with people, across barriers – with a background in psychology and a passion for philosophy, this self-professed “lover of peppermint crisp caramel pudding” is more than qualified to lay some wisdom on the world.

Honestly when we get together we don’t really have a conversation, it’s more like we weave a spell of stories, wisdom, quotes and love. We covered a number of topics while soaking up some winter sun. Nina shared a few favourite quotes with me; I’ve chosen to share some of them through this post.

We chatted about the decline in spiritually in the world, how so many people seem to be afraid to explore, let alone tap into a higher power. “We need to nurture ourselves,” Nina responded as I spoke about playing in the park the previous day. It makes so much sense, like children, we should tap into the magic, beauty and fun of life.

“The soul always knows what to do to heal itself, the challenge is to silence the mind.” – Caroline Myss

Holding onto pain and bitterness will just hold us back. Sometimes we need to take chances and just say yes. “Sometimes you just need to go with the flow,” explained Nina as she talked about seizing opportunities and seeing where things are falling into place in your path. Nina shared a favourite quote, “When life rejects you, it’s redirecting you.”

“You must not give Bitterness power in your life. Release it and let the Happiness flow within you. Forgive those who have wronged you. Learn from those experiences and grow within. Happiness comes from within.” – Doreen Virtue

Nina has this great philosophy of gratitude leading us to be kinder and more generous to others. It makes sense as a concept of pay-it-forward, where we respond the good in the world by sharing it, even if we need to make ourselves vulnerable in the process.

“Do you know what’s sexy? A real conversation.” - Anon